Soft Skills & Emotional Intelligence

One skill separates great communicators from average ones: Perspective-taking. The ability to see things from someone else’s point of view. But most people do it wrong. Here’s how to do it right, especially when you’re leading or being led: When you’re the boss, persuading down: You’re trying to convince Maria on your team to do something different. She’s pushing back. Your instinct might be to assert your authority. But that’s a mistake. Here’s why… Research shows: The more powerful you feel, the worse your perspective-taking becomes. More power = less understanding. So if you want to persuade Maria, don’t lean into your title. Do the opposite: dial your power down, just briefly. Try this: Before the next conversation, remind yourself: Maria has power too. I need her buy-in. Maybe she sees something I don’t. Lower your feelings of power to raise your perspective. From that place, ask: → What does she see that I’m missing? → What might be in her way? → What’s a win-win outcome? That shift changes the entire dynamic. Instead of steamrolling, you’re collaborating. And that’s how you earn trust and results. Now flip it. You’re the employee persuading your boss. It’s a high-stakes moment. You’re nervous. So do you appeal to emotion? No. Drop the feelings. Focus on interests. Here’s the key question: “What’s in it for them?” Not how you feel. Not your big dream. → Will it save time? → Improve performance? → Help them hit their goals? Make it about their world, not yours. Why? Because every boss has a mental shortcut: → Does this employee make my life easier or harder? Be the person who brings clarity, ideas, and upside. Not complaints, drama, or friction. In summary: → Persuading down? Dial down your power to see clearer. → Persuading up? Focus on their interests, not your emotions. Perspective-taking is a superpower, if you learn how to use it. Now practice, practice, practice.

Either you control it, or it will control you! Our bodies and minds have limits, and ignoring the need for rest can lead to significant consequences. When we push ourselves too hard without taking regular breaks, we risk burnout, decreased productivity, and health problems. This forced downtime often occurs at the worst possible moments, disrupting our personal and professional lives. So, please: Schedule Regular Breaks: Integrate short breaks into your daily routine. For example, use the Pomodoro Technique—work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. After four cycles, take a longer break of 15-30 minutes. Prioritise Sleep: Ensure you get 7-9 hours of sleep each night. Good sleep hygiene, such as a regular bedtime and limiting screen time before bed, can improve sleep quality. Take Vacations: Plan and take regular vacations to recharge. Even short getaways can significantly impact your mental and physical health. Listen to Your Body: Pay attention to signs of fatigue, stress, and burnout. If you feel overwhelmed, take a step back and rest, even if it's just for a few hours. Incorporate Wellness Activities: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time in nature. Set Boundaries: Learn to say no and set boundaries to protect your time and energy. Avoid overcommitting and ensure you have time for rest and recovery. By proactively scheduling breaks and prioritising self-care, you can maintain your health, enhance productivity, and avoid inconvenient and disruptive forced breaks.

In 2011, the Amazon Appstore failed on launch and Jeff Bezos was furious. It was my fault, and I handled one aspect of recovery so poorly that one of my engineers quit. I still regret it 14 years later. Please learn from my mistake. The main lesson is that when you are leading through a crisis, it can feel like it is all about you. It isn’t. It is about: 1) Solving the problem 2) Guiding your team through it The product issue was that there were some pretty simple bugs, and we solved those problem well enough that I was eventually promoted. Where I failed was in guiding my team through the crisis. My leadership miss was that I neglected to encourage and support the engineer who had written the bad code. He did a great job stepping up and supporting the effort to fix the problem, but shortly afterward, he resigned. During the crisis, I failed to make clear to him that we did not blame him for the launch failure despite the bugs. I imagine that left room for him to think we blamed him or that he didn’t belong. It is also possible that others did blame him directly and that I was too caught up in the crisis to realize it. Both instances were my responsibility as the leader of the team. His resignation taught me a valuable lesson about leading through a crisis: No matter how bad the situation is, your team must be your first priority. If you make them feel safe, they will move heaven and earth to fix the problem. If you don’t, they may still fix the problem, but the team itself will never be the same. As a leader, here is how you can give them what they need: 1) Take the blame and do not allow others to be blamed. In some bug cases after this we did not release the name of the engineer outside the team in order to protect them from judgment or blame. 2) Separate fixing the problem from figuring out why it happened. Once the problem is fixed, you can focus on root-causing. This lowers the risk of searching for answers getting confused with searching for someone to blame. 3) Realize that anyone involved in the problem already feels bad. High performers know when they have fallen short and let their team down. As a leader you have to show them the path to growth and success after the crisis. They do not need to be beaten up on- they have taken care of that themselves. 4) See crises and problems as growth opportunities, not personal flaws. Your team comes with you in a crisis whether you like it or not, so you might as well come out stronger on the other side. As a leader, the responsibility for a crisis is yours in two ways: The problem itself and the effect it has on the future of the team. Don’t get too caught up in the first to think about the second. Readers- Has your team survived a crisis? How did you handle it?

You want to be more direct in your conversations at work. But somehow you keep diluting your point. Here’s how to fix it: #1. Stop overexplaining. Not everything needs a “because” or justification. Give your answer. And then stop talking. Every extra word weakens your message. #2. Use steady eye contact. Hold it for 5–7 seconds. If that’s uncomfortable, focus on their eyebrows (they won’t notice!). #3. Mind your inflection. Avoid upward inflection. Use a flat line or slight downward tone. Being direct is about clarity, confidence, and ensuring your words carry weight. Master these small habits, and your message will land every time.

I was shadowing a coaching client in her leadership meeting when I watched this brilliant woman apologize six times in 30 minutes. 1. “Sorry, this might be off-topic, but..." 2. “I'm could be wrong, but what if we..." 3. “Sorry again, I know we're running short on time..." 4. “I don't want to step on anyone's toes, but..." 5. “This is just my opinion, but..." 6. “Sorry if I'm being too pushy..." Her ideas? They were game-changing. Every single one. Here's what I've learned after decades of coaching women leaders: Women are masterful at reading the room and keeping everyone comfortable. It's a superpower. But when we consistently prioritize others' comfort over our own voice, we rob ourselves, and our teams, of our full contribution. The alternative isn't to become aggressive or dismissive. It's to practice “gracious assertion": • Replace "Sorry to interrupt" with "I'd like to add to that" • Replace "This might be stupid, but..." with "Here's another perspective" • Replace "I hope this makes sense" with "Let me know what questions you have" • Replace "I don't want to step on toes" with "I have a different approach" • Replace "This is just my opinion" with "Based on my experience" • Replace "Sorry if I'm being pushy" with "I feel strongly about this because" But how do you know if you're hitting the right note? Ask yourself these three questions: • Am I stating my needs clearly while respecting others' perspectives? (Assertive) • Am I dismissing others' input or bulldozing through objections? (Aggressive) • Am I hinting at what I want instead of directly asking for it? (Passive-aggressive) You can be considerate AND confident. You can make space for others AND take up space yourself. Your comfort matters too. Your voice matters too. Your ideas matter too. And most importantly, YOU matter. @she.shines.inc #Womenleaders #Confidence #selfadvocacy

Here’s 14 things that can be invisible to men in the workplace And they all involve women Men rarely notice That women are more likely To be interrupted To be on the outside of social workplace networks To be judged more harshly and punished for underperformance or mistakes To have their credentials or competence questioned or be expected to provide evidence To be promoted on previous performance rather than future potential To be negatively judged for being assertive or ambitious To be given non promotive tasks and work housework And that women are less likely To be sponsored or given similar progress opportunities To get space to contribute in meetings To be give clear, actionable feedback To be seen as deserving promotion to leadership To be given stretch projects and high profile assignments To be consider for promotive work when they are mothers To have airtime with those most senior in their organisation I can honestly say I wasn’t noticing these in my early career. A lot of my focus went on following the advice of working twice as hard, as a young Black lad from a lower socioeconomic background. My own microaggressions blurred my vision of gender biases. And if you can’t see them, and they don’t happen to you, how can you challenge them? Studies show that men’s awareness and ability to act is four times higher after they partake in allyship training which highlights gender biases and microaggressions. Suddenly they see inequity they couldn’t see before. And they can’t unsee it. The opportunities to tackle them increase, practicing the skills of allyship. Having been through that process myself I can say that taking the blindfold off is an uncomfortable reality check But it is also empowering, and makes your curious about what else you might not be seeing. A world that was black and white, suddenly was a world full of colour And this is just one of the reasons why I’m passionate about bringing allyship to organisations and stages across the country Becoming accomplices, rather than opposition Because everyone benefits when we shine a light on each others blind spots What would you add to the list?

❄️ What does snow removal have to do with gender equality? Here’s a case from Sweden that will change how you think about "neutral" municipal services. The municipality of Karlskoga decided to examine its snow-clearing practices through a gender lens. What they found was a classic example of how "doing things the way they’ve always been done" can create unintended inequality. Traditional snow plowing prioritized major arteries first, primarily used by men driving to work. Meanwhile, pedestrian walkways, bike paths, and bus stops were cleared last. So they decided to flip the priority. They started clearing paths to daycare centers, schools, and bus stops first. They prioritized pedestrian and cycle networks before the main car roads. Check out this video by SKR Jämställdhet. It’s a masterclass in how small changes in logic create massive changes in lives. 👇 -- There are more examples of Sustainable Gender Equality in the full video—link in the comments.

Men expect to be praised when they conform to the male stereotype (to be confident, assertive, ambitious, competitive, leaders, to take risks, negotiate, and self-promote) and they expect to be criticized when they do not. In that sense, they face a 'restricted path'. Women face a mission impossible: "there is no behavior for women that is expected to be praised and not criticized. Women conforming to the male stereotype are expected to be praised but also criticized. Women not conforming the male stereotype are expected to avoid criticism but not be praised." Interesting new paper by Joshua Dean, Christine Exley, David Klinowski, Muriel Niederle, and Heather Sarsons (2025), Gender Views: A Restricted Path for Men and A Mission Impossible for Women: https://lnkd.in/erNvFJD3 (open access)

As Duarte grew, I’d hear feedback that decisions were made too slowly, which confused me. In reality, we didn’t have a system to recognize when the team was asking for a decision. We thought they were just informing us, so decisions would languish. We weren’t ignoring them, failing to act, or even making incorrect decisions... We just didn’t realize a decision needed to be made in the first place. It dawned on the exec team that the lack of clarity during the conversation is what slows teams down. Leaders and teams can share the same language for decision-making. Much of it is about shaping recommendations that actually lead to the right type of action and making the urgency clear. Here’s the shift that changed everything… We started mapping every decision against two factors: urgency and risk. Low risk, low urgency: Decide without me. Your team runs with it. Low risk, high urgency: Inform on progress. They update you, but keep driving. High risk, low urgency: Propose for approval. They bring a recommendation, and you decide together. High risk, high urgency: Escalate immediately. You're in it together, right now. Once my team understood which quadrant a decision lived in, they knew exactly how to approach me. And I knew exactly what my role was. The framework gave us a shared language. People can’t act on ideas if they don’t understand how decisions are made. Leaders should define how recommendations move from idea to approval to action. That transparency keeps progress from stalling. Remember: One of the biggest threats to your company isn't a lack of good ideas. It's a lack of clarity. #Leadership #ExecutiveLeadership #OrganizationalCulture #DecisionMaking

Travel doesn’t just change your location. It rewires how you think. Have you been to all these places? * Leaders with international experience are 32% more likely to drive successful market expansion. * Companies with culturally diverse leadership teams are 36% more profitable. * Professionals exposed to multiple cultures show higher creativity and problem-solving scores. * 70% of executives say cross-border experience directly improved their decision-making under pressure. On the ground, travel forces: * Faster adaptation when plans break * Clearer communication across cultures * Better risk assessment in unfamiliar environments * Stronger empathy — a hidden advantage in leadership and sales The best strategies aren’t built only in boardrooms. They’re shaped in airports, factory floors, late-night meetings, and conversations across borders. If you want to scale your business, scale your perspective. Travel isn’t a perk. It’s leadership training. #Leadership #BusinessGrowth #GlobalMindset #DataDriven #TravelForWork #ExecutiveMindset